STORIES AND FAIRY TALES
for the nations of the world from the Scientific & Production Company VMPAUTO
And thus a dozen courageous men took the road. Almost all of them were driving modern foreign-made cars, and only one man named Orus was driving a battered Toyota. Everyone was laughing at him: “Why go to the mountains by this old-timer – it will fall into pieces on the way”. Orus kept silent in reply, because he had a secret aid thanks to which he was hoping to win over the beauty and the shepherd.
The contestants drove for a day, then for a week, and finally they started ascending into the mountains. And suddenly their iron horses started dying out one after another: some did not have enough horsepower, in others the engines had worn out under the load, and the rest had run out of gas or oil… And only Orus in his Toyota continued the ascension as sound as a bell. When he reached the shepherd’s house, the latter did not even hear his noiseless car.
– You have won! – exclaimed the shepherd. – Take my daughter as your wife. But first tell me – what is your secret? Why is your car so strong?
– It is all about the engine additive RESURS, – replied Orus. – It is this additive that has turned my friend into a long-liver worthy of out magnificent mountains.
At that moment Jaina came out of the house. She looked at the suitor and without a word stretched her arms towards him.
A young man Manas and a young girl Masha were taking a stroll along a boulevard. It was Masha’s birthday, and Manas had given her a balloon. It was big and white and contained large letters: “MC” (which meant Masha Chistikova) and “16” (she had just turned sixteen years old).
Masha was holding the balloon in her hand and listening to Manas who was telling her that, after finishing school, he would enter the aerospace institute and one day would build an airborne vehicle, that would let anyone reach the Moon.
All of a sudden the treacherous wind tore the balloon from Masha’s hand and carried it into the road, and Manas rushed between the cars. He grabbed the balloon and, at that very moment, a jeep pulled up half a meter away from him. Masha gave a startled cry, and Manas, although he was brave, turned white at the thought that he would not have been able to take Masha to the Moon. Only the driver of the jeep was calm. He patted Manas’s shoulder and said a mysterious phrase: “MC sixteen double zero – thanks to this you stayed alive, boy!” After this he jumped into his jeep and drove off.
And Manas and Masha stared at the words on the balloon: how could they have saved Manas’s life? And what was it all about that double zero? The zeroing out of everything that was before and a new countdown? But when Manas arrived home he found on the Internet that MS 1600 was the name for brake grease. And then he understood what the driver of the jeep had meant…
An old man named Ongal was having breakfast and eating his favorite Kyrgyz butter Sary Mai. He was in good health and in high spirits; that is why he decided to call his three sons to share his joy with them.
– My dear children, – said the old man, – I want to give one of you a present. This is not a simple present and it will be given to the one who will figure out what I mean in the riddle I am going to tell you. Listen: “It eats oil the same as I do but it is not Sary Mai. It eats a lot of oil but to no use at all. It is ill but not terminally, so do not rush to send it to a hospital, but find a thing that will help it feel healthy and full of strength”.
The sons scratched their heads and went to figure out their father’s riddle. The next day he called them again.
– I have found out the meaning of your riddle, father, – sadly said the oldest son who was an artist. – You were talking about a canvas on which for six months I have been trying to paint with oil paints something worthwhile. And yes, I have already lost my mind and strength, and there is only one remedy – to give up art.
The second son who was a chef at a restaurant rose in revolt:
– What does it have to do with your painting? Our father was talking about a salad called Sursu, which I have invented. But people do not want to order it, because it is “unhealthy”: I add refined sunflower oil to it, when instead I should add unrefined oil.
Now it was the youngest son’s turn.
– Father, – he said, – you were talking about your car, which consumes oil excessively, but is still so low-powered that it cannot even go uphill. It is possible to have a major overhaul done for it, but what for, when there is the engine additive RESURS reducing oil consumption…
Hearing this, the old man Ongal rejoiced, because now his Mazda was in the reliable and caring hands of his youngest son!
For three days and nights running Jenish could neither eat, nor sleep, nor enjoy life. It was all because one lost opportunity was constantly on his mind. Five years before he had bought his “dear thing” – a white Audi – and he had been very happy. And now the “dear thing” started sneezing and dying away: the motor had worn out and made noise like a rockfall in the mountains, the compression left much to be desired, it seemed that the fuel was all going into a bottomless pit, and the oil was being consumed like crazy…
Jenish reckoned in his mind how much a major overhaul for the engine would cost him and lost heart, because with that money, it would be cheaper to build a time machine than to… And suddenly it struck him: that’s right, a time machine!
“It is cheaper to prevent repairs than to have them done! In a time machine I will go five years back and tell my past self to add the additive RESURS to the engine oil”, – this brightened up Jenish.
Feeling highly enthusiastic, he immediately called Doctor Emmett Brown from the corporation “Back to the Future”, and in the interest of such a cause the latter lent Jenish his DeLorean. Of course he did not do it for free, but in exchange for one hundred bottles of RESURS…
Jenish went to the past, talked to himself in detail about the properties and advantages of this engine additive, and when he returned and got behind the wheel of his “dear thing” he again felt all its vital power and energy.
“It is so great that I listened to myself and all these years have been giving to my car the wonderful, remarkable RESURS”, – rejoiced Jenish.
And at that very time Doctor Emmett Brown was turning over in his hands a bottle with the additive and whispering in admiration: “Incredible, incredible…”
The beautiful Aichureck liked edelweisses very much, and it was only too bad that the region where she lived was characterized by the scarcity of even the simplest wild flowers; so, she could only dream about these white noble beauties. But once upon a time a miracle happened. Aichureck was taking a walk on the outskirts of her village enjoying the rays of the mild evening sun, when suddenly a mighty white-tailed eagle came down to her from the sky and brought to her in its beak her favorite flower.
– Ah, – cried Aichureck.
– May I come to you every day? – spoke the eagle in a human voice.
– Oh, – exclaimed the beauty again.
So the white-tailed eagle started bringing lovely edelweisses to her regularly, and the grateful girl only said “ah” and “oh”. But had she known why the bird spoke to her in a human voice, she would have lost her mind completely.
This is what happened. A month before the girl and the bird first met, a handsome young man Joldosh had been driving down a serpentine road in the mountains of Teskei-Alah-Too to propose to the beautiful Aichureck who was harboring mutual feelings for him. But Joldosh was in such a hurry to see his beloved one that, at one of the turns, his car had insufficient braking distance and Joldosh fell down into a precipice. Poor, poor young man. Had he known that when replacing the brake pads it would have been enough for him only to coat the supports with the grease МC 1600, which makes application of brakes effective and safe…
However, Joldosh did not know about this grease and fell down into the precipice, but the gods could not let Aichureck stay all alone, that is why they turned the young man into a white-tailed eagle.
Since that time there has been a story around the world about tender friendship between the beautiful girl and the menacing eagle that brings edelweisses to her. And men, so as not to stretch their luck, always remember about the grease МC 1600 for the supports of their cars.
How fancifully the fates of certain people and mechanisms cross! Let’s say two gentlemen are sitting at a bar amicably drinking wonderful Moldovan wine, and behind the door of the bar, under the hood of a car the piston and the cylinder are savoring a no less wonderful cocktail made up of engine oil and the engine additive RESURS.
And several hours before the gentlemen had argued because of the differences that had arisen between them and broken the furniture at a gentlemen’s club. And the piston and the cylinder, having worn out after many kilometers, had triggered noise and vibration in the engine.
However, now, under the influence of intoxication, the gentlemen have found common ground again. And the piston with the cylinder, thanks to the nano particles from RESURS, are again interacting seamlessly, because the gap between them has become remarkably sealed.
So the gentlemen are sitting at the bar, sipping wine, patting each other on the shoulders and talking:
– RESURS for a car is like an invigorating potion for a lazy wife, – says one man. – My car could not even go uphill previously, but with RESURS it seems to have found a new lease of life. If only it were possible to get such a thing for my wife, or else she is neglecting her matrimonial duties completely.
– As for me, RESURS is like a sedative for a quarrelsome mother-in-law, – nods the other man. – If only I could pour something of the sort into the dear Margarita Semenovna so that she would not jitter at seeing me. Before I started using RESURS, my car had been shaking so much that it tore my nerves apart, but last week after a fishing trip, I left a shot glass on the hood, and when I came home – lo and behold – not a single drop had spilt!..
At that very time the first gentleman’s wife was curiously reading the instruction on the bottle of RESURS, which she had found under her husband’s pillow, and the second man’s mother-in-law was going into one pharmacy after another trying to find something similar for herself…
Peanut butter and the engine additive RESURS got into an argument – over who of them man needed the most.
– Man cannot do without me, – boasts the peanut butter. – Having a quick and simple bite to eat, getting filled with energy – it is so me!
– And I quickly and easily fill a car with energy, and without his car man cannot go to a supermarket to buy you! – parries RESURS.
Suddenly a man came up to them, without second thought ate the peanut butter, poured RESURS into the engine of his car and rushed to meet his beloved one.
The wife worked late, and when she came home she could not believe her eyes: dinner had been cooked, the table had been laid and the candles had been lit.
– What has happened? – she asks her husband anxiously.
– You know, your fur coat…
– I have no fur coat! What has happened?
The husband shows her a bottle of RESURS; she turns it over in her hands and examines it.
– I have bought this for our car, – the husband says in a low voice.
– You fool, you scared me! – she laughs. – This is your best purchase of the year! Let me kiss you … Wait, what does a fur coat have to do with this?
– You will have no fur coat, – answers the husband apologetically and shows her the boxes with RESURS. – The money that we have been putting away for it … In a nutshell – I have bought this for future use.
The wife turned white, choked and had a fit of coughing; but when she collected herself, she said:
– I will enroll in a driving school – I will be driving myself. And from now on we will be saving money for a new car for you…
Once upon a time Danny de Vito and Leonardo DiCaprio met at a bar. While drinking port, they are shared their secrets of seducing women.
– I do everything elegantly and wisely, – says DiCaprio. – A stylish suit, the top buttons of the shirt unbuttoned, a spark in the eye, and an irresistible smile. And every second woman is at my feet!
– No big deal, a stylish suit! – replies de Vito. – I put on whatever I want. But when I go to a date I always take with me a tube of extreme-pressure grease MC CV-Joint. And every first woman is at my feet!
– You are lying, – disbelieves Leonardo. – MC CV-Joint? Are they motorists – one and all?
Danny de Vito smiles:
– Of course not, many of them have never been behind the wheel. But this is not important. Beauty and unambiguity of analogies – this is what attracts them.
And he told DiCaprio about the properties of the grease MC CV-Joint and its ability to act not only on the constant velocity joint of cars, but on women’s imagination as well.
Once upon a time there lived an old man and an old woman. And, as usual, the old man wanted some starchy food. The old woman found whatever ingredients were available in the house, mixed flour with sour cream, made a little round bun, fried it in butter and put it on a window sill to cool down.
A bearing from the tractor was lying on the same window sill.
– Hello, – winks the Bearing at the Little Round Bun. – Well, will you be rolling outside the gate like you did last time?
– I will, – rejoices the Little Round Bun.
– Have you forgotten how it all ended for you?
– Probably, it is my destiny, – sighs the Little Round Bun.
– Stop talking nonsense, but coat yourself with this before you get on your way.
And the Bearing gives the Little Round Bun a tube with the metal plating grease МC 1000.
– Why on earth would I need this grease? – retorts the little light-minded fellow. – I am handsome as it is – the old woman has coated me with butter.
– You say this to the Fox, she will be happy, and do not argue with me, you starchy fool, – exclaims the piece of iron. – Take it, I say! It will do you no harm, only good. Read on the tube about its properties!
The Little Round Bun read, became surprised, coated himself with the grease and rolled off – from the window sill to the bench, from the bench to the floor, then over the threshold – and to the anteroom then to the porch, to the yard – and out of the gate.
The Little Round Bun was rolling down the path, and it was so hot outdoors, the atmospheric pressure was over-the-top … Thanks to the pressure and high temperature, the metal particles in the grease started turning into metal crust, both on the path, due to which the Little Round Bun began rolling easily and noiselessly, and on the Little Round Bun himself…
And presently he sees Hare the Bully coming from the opposite direction:
– Little Round Bun, I will eat you!
– No you won’t, Squint Eyes, I have extreme-pressure grease on me!
And he rolled off down the path before the Hare could say “knife”.
And now he sees Wolf the Welder:
– Little Round Bun, I will weld cook and eat you!
– No you won’t, Gray Hair, I have anti-welding grease on me!
And he rolled off down the path away from the Wolf as quick as a wink.
Next the Little Round Bun met Bear the Athlete. The Bear even gave no warning – he fell on the Little Round Bun, but the latter could not care less – he kept rolling with the Bear on his back. He had such grease on him that he was not afraid of any heavily loaded friction joints. The amazed Bear fell on the ground and left the Little Round Bun alone.
Finally the Little Round Bun met Fox the Sly Tail: where are you rolling to, sing a song to me and all that. Such a crafty pest of a fox. But when she persuaded the Little Round Bun to get on her tongue, this is what happened. The Little Round Bun jumped onto the Fox’s tongue, she clenched her teeth and voila – she broke them. She did not know that thanks to the grease the Little Round Bun had protective metal crust on him.
The Little Round Bun returned home safe and sound, thanked the Bearing for the grease and rolled off down the path again. From now on he could roll to and fro as much as he liked – we was not afraid of anyone, no one could harm him.
This is what it is like – the metal plating grease МC 1000!
It was the day of the royal ball. The stepmother and the sisters had left, and Cinderella cried bitterly. Suddenly her godmother, who was a fairy, came to see her.
– You would like to go to the ball, wouldn’t you? – she asked.
– That’s true, – replied Cinderella sobbing.
– Do not cry, – said the fairy, – but run to the kitchen garden and bring me a big pumpkin from there!
When Cinderella brought the pumpkin, the fairy touched it with her wand, and the pumpkin turned into a gilded self-moving carriage.
– Here you are, – said the fairy, – now you have the carriage and you can go to the palace. Are you happy?
– Very much! – replied Cinderella. – But how can I go to the ball wearing this old dress?
The fairy touched the dress with her wand, and the old dress turned into a gown of gold and silver brocade.
The last gift from the fairy was a tube with the grease for supports МC 1600 and a bottle with the metallizer RESURS.
– Why do I need this? – asked Cinderella in surprise.
– Put the grease on the carriage’s supports, and add RESURS to the engine oil, – winked the Fairy. – You will see for yourself!
The fairy put Cinderella into the carriage and gave her strict instructions to return home before midnight, otherwise the carriage would turn into a pumpkin again, and the gorgeous gown would turn into a patched-up dress…
Ah, how Cinderella was riding to the ball! She felt on top of the world! The carriage was taking her to inevitable happiness; the engine was caressing her ear with its tender whisper about the future… In front of the palace the carriage pulled up quickly and noiselessly, without a single creak of the brakes, without shudder and indecision…
The prince did not leave Cinderella’s side even for a moment. He was so friendly, saying such nice things, that she forgot that she had to leave in time, and remembered about it only when the clock started striking midnight. She rose from her place and ran away as quick as a flash.
The prince rushed to follow her, but she vanished into thin air. And only on a step of the stairs was a tube with the grease МC 1600. The prince picked up the tube carefully, pressed it to his heart, and ordered for the doorkeepers to be questioned if anyone had seen where the beautiful princess had gone. But no one saw any princess – only a poorly dressed girl.
A few days later the prince ordered an announcement for the entire world that the girl who could explain to him the intended purpose of the grease MC 1600 would become his wife.
Of course, at first the grease was offered to princesses, then to duchesses, then in ladies-in-waiting, but to no avail: nobody knew how to use it.
Finally, it was the turn of Cinderella’s sisters.
Both sisters tried their best to find use for this grease! They applied it here, there and everywhere … But it was no use. And Cinderella, who recognized the tube at first sight, said:
– I know what this grease is for.
The sisters broke into wicked laughter. But the royal servant looked at Cinderella, and, noticing that she was very beautiful, said:
– I received an order from the prince to show the grease to all the girls in the city. Speak up, my dear lady!
– This is a high-temperature grease for servicing the brake systems of any self-moving carriages. It ensures proper movement of the elements of supports, even the wear of brake pads, and reduces the braking distance. And, in addition to this, it increases the effectiveness and safety of brake application and eliminates the creaking of brakes.
The sisters turned green with astonishment. But they became even more amazed, when Cinderella took from her pocket a bottle with RESURS that was adorned with a red horse – the logo of the same manufacturer.
– And this is for safe protection and recovery of the carriage’s engine. It levels compression, reduces fuel consumption, decreases oil loss and eliminates noise caused by wear and tear.
At that very moment the door was flung open and the fairy entered the room. She touched Cinderella’s poor dress with her wand, and it became even more gorgeous and magnificent than the one she wore previously to the ball.
Cinderella was taken to the palace to the young prince, who found her even lovelier than before. But the most important thing was that she knew where to get MC 1600 and RESURS for the royal carriage park.
And a few days later a merry wedding was celebrated.